One more for the road to purgatory

Hey at least we’re in the same boat together!

I was just let go earlier this week and I’m feeling just as lost. It was my dream job, everything I ever wanted, but the economy doesn’t seem to need people to do end user design.

Was let off Monday to my surprise. I had given this company my all for almost 4 years. To be let go with such ease made me feel cheap and under valued. I tried to see things from the owner’s perspective, but it still hurt. Ended the rest of the day drinking more then I had all of last year.

Spent Tuesday in bed mostly. I couldn’t see the point of attempting to do anything else. Yeah I need to update the resume, call unemployment, get my portfolio together, get up and bath, but what for? I felt the world didn’t need me right away. Friends and family rallied around me to give me good wishes, sympathy and remind me that this could be the start of a great adventure. I took their words with good cheer and held back tell them all to bugger off. (Thanks for your call. Hearing someone else was about to be laid-off was the only thing that cheered me up.)

Wednesday I kicked myself in the ass a bit more. Went to the gym, called unemployment, had lunch with my self employed pals and got a bit of options tossed my way. I can be a glorified chauffer. Sent my resume to a headhunter and got some good feedback too. Felt at least like I had had a productive day.

The worst of it is I have a mortgage to think of, life insurance bills, and condo repairs, how am I going to come up with the money for this? I’m scared shitless of not being able to pay my bills, I’ve never gotten to that point before, I reaching new financial crisis lows.

Thursday was spent in front of the laptop watching movies and putting my portfolio and resume together. I’ve very proud of it, but not particular optimistic about being able to stay here in Boston for work. A pal, who seems to never have a job but always able to survive, dropped by to bring me cheer. He doesn’t seem affected by the recession in anyway. I did my best not to hate him thoroughly and fed him the last of my leftover pizza. Spent the rest of the night debating whom I could scam a free meal off of tomorrow.

Today I feel bogged down in the details. I have condo association stuff to get done, letters of reference to nag for and a house to clean before the photographer comes by. By renting out my condo I might be able to get by. I’m having dreams of grandeur of living out of a suitcase and just traveling around the world looking for work. Like maybe this is the time in my life I go out and find something new?

Friends are trying to talk to me like nothing is wrong, like asking for advice on what to wear, should they buy a new dress or not? In my head I want to scream at them. How can I care about such minor details? I’m worried about being able to eat next month!

Blah. I’m trying to stay positive, but it’s just difficult. Glad your doing this with me.